


In which sock puppets bring people together

by fineandwittie



Category: Rush Hour (TV 2016)
Genre: Episode Tag: O Hostage! My Hostage!, I can't stop, I don't even care, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 20:23:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8259487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fineandwittie/pseuds/fineandwittie
Summary: Exactly what is says on the tin.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd as always.

Carter pretty sure that he and Lee were never going to live down Gerald’s little sock-puppet show. He was still grumbling about it three days later when he sat down at his desk. “…President of police…Lee…First Lady…”

He could hear DiDi trying to stifle a laugh from the next desk over. Lee glanced up at him. “You know, I am still confused about Gerald’s story. Who exactly was meant to be your Police First Lady?”

Carter blinked at him, fighting a blush. “Um…one of the strippers?”

Lee looked skeptical. “You do not sound sure.”

DiDi snorted, pulling both men’s attentions. “I’m pretty sure Lee was your First Lady of Police.”

Lee blinked at her. “I am not a lady.”

Carter wrinkled his brow in consternation. “That’s what you take issue with? That you’re not a lady?”

Lee shrugged. “I am not.”

DiDi was grinning unrepentantly at them. “See, that’s not the problem though. The thing I’m not sure of is whether Gerald meant that you’re Carter’s work wife or if he just ships you two.”

Carter turned to gap at her. “Gerald does not ship us! That would be wrong…and creepy. and Wrong. No.”

DiDi smirked. “I’m pretty sure he does. Because everyone knows I’m your work wife. If anything, Lee would be your work mistress.”

Carter, momentarily derailed, turned to eye Lee. Lee didn’t seemed phased by this. “Well, he’s certainly hot enough to be someone’s mistress, but…Hey! Not the point here! Gerald doesn’t ship us because it would be weird.”

“Nah, man. I totally ship you.” The three whipped around to find Gerald, scarfing a bag of chips at the far edge of Carter’s desk. 

“How the hell did you get in here?” Carter demanded.

Gerald shrugged. 

“What is shipping?” They all looked at Lee, who glanced around in confusion. “Carter, we are bestie. Tell me what is shipping.”

DiDi laughed. Gerald cooed at them. Carter was a weird combination of murderous and embarrassed. “Uh…It’s when you think two or more people belong in a romantic relationship with each other. Only…much more hardcore.”

“Hardcore?”

“Yeah. Like there are shipper wars and…um…” He looks around. DiDi and Gerald are looking at him like he’s grown another head. “What? I’m not that old. I remember shit…”

DiDi cocked an eyebrow. “Do you? Or do you secretly read fanfiction?”

“Um…”

“So you are saying that Gerald believes we should be dating. That is what you are saying.”

Gerald nodded, chomping chips.

“But is that not what DiDi said earlier? I am your work mistress. Being a mistress implies sexual intercourse, does it not?”

Now it was DiDi’s turn to squirm. “Er…yes, normally, but not this time. A work wife is like…someone who takes care of you and does stuff for you at work.”

“And someone who nags you.”

DiDi glared at Carter. “Shut up, Carter.”

“So then what exactly is a work mistress?” Lee looked genuinely interested. “Someone who distracts you from your work wife?”

“Um…” DiDi looked thoughtful. “I guess, it would be someone who you spend time with at work at the expense of your work wife, but you doesn’t do work-wifely things for you?”

Carter threw his hands up in exasperation. “Why are we even talking about this? Lee is not my work mistress. And Gerald, you are not allowed to ship us. It’s creepy. RPF is creepy.”

All three of them stared at him in confusion this time. “RPF?” 

“Heh.” Carter shrugged. “Real People Fics. I don’t know. Leave me alone. Gerald, don’t you have somewhere to be?”

Gerald opened his mouth to say something, but Carter narrowed his eyes at Lee. “Wait a second. You thought being my work mistress meant we…” He made a vague hand gesture. “But you seemed to have no problem with the idea when DiDi brought it up.”

Lee looked at him expectantly and waited a beat. “And?”

Carter gaped at him. DiDi’s eyes went wide and Gerald watched them avidly, still chomping away. “So you…would have no problem with that?” Carter’s voice came out high pitched and strained, drawing the attention of most of the bullpen.

“With what? Sexual intercourse with you? No. I think that that would potentially be very enjoyable.”

Gerald choked on his chips. A pointed hush swept the bullpen. Lee looked around to find almost everyone in the room staring at him. He looked back at Carter, looking hunted and confused. “Why is everyone staring at me?”

Carter jumped up and started making shooing motions. “Alright, spectacle is over. Let a man breathe.” He swung around and pointed, just as Donovan opened his mouth. “If you say one goddamn word about this that makes Lee uncomfortable in any way, Donovan, I will personally skin you alive and use your sorry hide to write my reports on. Got it?”

DiDi blinked. She’d never heard such a violent threat from Carter before. Donovan snapped his mouth shut and looked back down at his desk. Carter sat down. Lee still looked vaguely out of place. “Why were they staring?”

“Um…normally we don’t announce things like that in front of other people…at work, especially.”

Lee furrowed his brow. “But you discuss sleeping with women all the time.”

Carter opened his mouth and paused. “You know, you have a point. Sort of. But it’s different. When I talk about sleeping with women, it’s usually sort of…abstract. Even with Nina, I didn’t actual consider the possibility that she’d go out with me. It’s more…um…” He was looking around for an escape from this and finding none. Gerald and DiDi were both watching him with wide smiles. 

“So you are saying that in this case it is not ‘abstract’?” Lee sounded curious. He leaned forward. 

“Yeah, Carter. Are you saying the sleeping with Lee is a possibility?” DiDi was smirking at him pointedly now.

Carter seemed to pull himself together and shake off the embarrassment. “Girl, can you see Lee? I mean, he is literally sitting right here. Look at him. He’s hot as hell. If Lee wants me, who am I to deny him? And just for the record, Lee, I like you as a person too. Not just a hot piece of ass.”

DiDi laughed. Lee blinked. “I do not know how to respond to that. Was it intended to be objectifying and demeaning or did you intend it as a compliment?”

“Um…let’s go with the second one.” Carter smiled nervously at him, while DiDi laughed harder in the background.

Lee nodded. “Then thank you…I think.”

“You are most definitely welcome. You busy tonight?” Lee shook his head. “Then what say you we go out for dinner and make this work mistress thing a real mistress thing?”

Lee tilted his head. “You are not currently in a relationship, as far as I know, so I do not think it would be a ‘mistress thing’.”

“Okay. Fine. But dinner though?”

“Yes.”

“Awww. DiDi, our babies are all grown up and going on a date.” Gerald was cooing again.

DiDi snorted. “But not savin’ China.”

Lee looked confused, but Carter just shook his head and turned to Gerald. “Butt out, cuz. I do not need yo’ creepy ass shippin’ in my life. Okay? And none of the shit you used to pull when we was kids. Okay?”

Gerald shrugged and tried to look innocent. Even Lee smirked in amusement. “I don’t know what you’re even talkin’ about.”

Carter narrowed his eyes. “You aren’t allowed to do any of the followin’. You can’t follow us or take pictures of us. You can’t live blog about us or whatever the currently equivalent is. No tweeting, instagraming, or posting of any kind. You can’t invite yourself along or in any other way be involved. At all.”

“If Gerald did all those things to your dates as teenagers, I do not understand how you are not still a virgin. You are not still a virgin, are you?”

Carter snorted, still glaring at Gerald. “No, I am not. And honestly, I agree with you. I don’t even know how I managed to get laid with Gerald interfering every chance he could.”

Gerald was edging away from them. “I think the important thing here is that Lee just admitted that you and he were going on a date.”

Carter turned to glance at Lee and Gerald booked it, waving a short goodbye to DiDi.

“It’s a date, then?” The corner of Carter’s mouth was turned up in a small smile.

Lee grinned back at him. “It is a date.”


End file.
